What I'm about to say may sound like something from Harry Potter and by the time you've finished reading this you may think of me as Loony Lovegrove; but my message is beware toxic friends!
Toxic friends can come in lots of different disguises. They can manifest as a bullying trainer who makes you feel useless by shouting and constantly criticizing, but manages to also make you think it's only by going back on a regular basis that you will succeed. Then there are the 'friends' hanging around the school watching you ride, like yard Dementors, draining energy out of you with their critical eye. Worse still, there are the 'helpful' friends, always there with a piece of unasked for 'advice'. Even though they never compete they are always the quickest to critique your latest results. Any of this sound familiar?
Well even if it doesn't, take care as sometimes toxic friends can be difficult to spot until it's too late.
We all need praise and if we live on a diet of negative thinking we become starved and really do start to believe we are not good enough. That's when self prophecy kicks in : I cannot compete, I'm not a good rider, I always knock the fences down, my results are always poor. Once you start thinking like this then "Whoosh" like one of Dumbledore's spells, all becomes true.
But remember, when toxic friends make unhelpful comments it's not so much a reflection on you but on themselves. They are nearly always unhappy with the way they ride or feel, have niggling self doubt or have lost the excitement for riding. It's far easier to make nasty comments about others than face their own failures.
Don't let these people make decisions for you and your horse. If you believe these Dementors you become the person THEY want you to be. Instead, let's turn this on its head and make a great self-prophecy for ourselves. Be that rider YOU want to be. Enter that competition. Try jumping that fence. Find the trainer YOU deserve. Ignore the unhelpful 'friendly' advice. Trust me, you will never know how far you can go until you set yourself free from others peoples' ideals.
Many years ago when I took BHS exams I was told I was too tall and gangly to ride-a bit Hagrid-like! It would have been easy for me to have given up and walked away, after all, they were the experts. But then I thought why should I fit into another person's opinion of what a rider looks like?
If you still think they are right and need a reminder try this. I frequently give out Dazzle's 'Thought Expelliarmus bracelets' which are really elastic bands dropped by the postman. Pop one on your wrist and every time you think you're not good enough, ping it. Yes it hurts, but boy does that bad thought disappear fast. And if anyone asks what you're up to tell them 'it's to remind me that I can, I really CAN!'
Also, the next time you have an audience, tell yourself no one has time to watch bad riding, however there is always time to watch good riding. Ride to the best of your ability. Forget all the fancy meanings of dressage, because really dressage is all about showing how wonderful your horse is, and who better to do that than YOU.
It took a sock to free Dobby the House Elf; we are luckier, we don't need anyone to give us anything. We can do it ourselves!
Written by Prue 'Dazzle' Boyd. Look out for more confidence tips, coming soon.
Source: http://blog.trotontv.com/2011/07/dazzle-em-with-confidence-part-deux.html
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